I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
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but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
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And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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