He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
