funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
