I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
