You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She's JV to your varsity
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
