I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
