Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
