I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
