I skipped work to stalk him.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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