She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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