But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
