I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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