I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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