Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
