Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
