Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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