Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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