Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
