I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
