It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
