I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
