I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
being pregnant is like rehab
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
