his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
