All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
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He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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