shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
