Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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