she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
