I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
