whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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