Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
