chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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