i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
