I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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