carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I miss vodka workout Fridays
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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