Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
