Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
