The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
