wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I need water and some morals
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
