Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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