We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
