i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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