Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
