Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
