he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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