I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
