the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
