I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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