my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
