why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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