Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
