sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
