If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
