don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
