You're my little dorito
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
