Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
