he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
