I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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