those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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