great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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