Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize