yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
