idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
