that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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