If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Your penis caused this!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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