I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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