Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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