the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
