We won't sleep together?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
