Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
