Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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