i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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