woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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