Cold hands, warm shart.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
