weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
