Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I need a beard to bite.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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