It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
