We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
