Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
