Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
